New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You pole danced in your parka.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
