Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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