giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
