I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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