I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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