are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
