I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
