I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
