Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize