fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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