8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
