Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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