Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
