U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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