Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
