he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize