So drunk its hurt
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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