My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
