Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
