sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
