We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
