I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
