he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human