Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.