11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes