I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
