You really coming over, don't trick.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
