This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
