so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
