I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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