I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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