1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
