I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
