The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
