No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize