You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
