he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
