Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
