i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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