Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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