A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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