And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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