Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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