I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
