He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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