Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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