You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
