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• (817): View more from Texas

  Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  im getting a BJ in a closet

  (205): View more from Alabama

  and a penguin just handed me a bong

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I forgot how hot balto sounded

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...

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• (585): View more from New York

  Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?

  (1-585): View more from New York

  Or possibly end in a restraining order?

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Why so serious bruh

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I just got baptized.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.

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