five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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