The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
