her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
