Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i've created a new STD.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
