smell my finger.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
