yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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