What did we do last night that was yellow?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
