her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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