4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
