i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
