I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
