One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
