Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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