I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
