It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
