The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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