dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
